Wonderwall
by starlightexpresso
Summary: After the Toby reveal, Spencer finally manages to get some sleep only to awake two years back to the past, in the middle of the Jenna thing. Will she be able to fix everything and save Toby? Or will she lose herself in the world she doesn't belong to?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I haven't been writing fanfics since forever I guess, but I was away for a week and decided to try again. Basically it's just because I have a lot of Spoby feeling with which I can't deal anymore, so. Anyway, enjoy! And sorry in advance for any grammar/vocabulary mistakes, English's not my first language and I'm still learning ;)

* * *

Sometimes silence is soothing. It brings relief to your worn out soul like a cool, medicinal compress; takes away the pain and gives hope for something new, unknown, yet still worth waiting for; a better tomorrow.

But sometimes, it's just the opposite.

Spencer was lying motionlessly on her big, wooden bed. With her smudgy makeup, messy, brown hair tucked in a ballerina bun and a pair of old, yoga pants, she certainly looked far from flawless, but she didn't really care. Gently, she rubbed her swollen eyelids with her thumb and bit her lower lip. She tried to focus on something else, to escape the sorrow which crept on her and squeezed her tiny, wasted heart in a tight grip, but there was no use. Her mind, just like an alpine pond frozen in the winter, was already numb, and the ice was too thick to break through.

She grabbed her earphones and played the music as loudly as possible. It wasn't enough for the pain to go away, but still worth a try. After all, that's all she had left, right? She felt like her body was made out of china; once you break it, it can never be fixed. No matter how much glue you use, you can never perfectly stick the pieces back together.

Suddenly, she recalled the old text that they'd received this summer, 'Mona played with dolls, I play with body parts'. Oh, what an irony! He indeed played with her heart like no one before.

Utterly exhausted, she finally let her eyes close and her limbs become lifeless as she swam through the darkness to the imaginary world of her dreams.

'Spence! Spencer! What the hell are you doing?', she heard a trembling voice, that probably belonged to Aria, scream from behind the bushes. Dazed and confused, she stood still, letting her dark chocolate eyes scan the surroundings. She could barely see anything; her head was hurting and her vision was getting blurrier and blurrier each second. Yet despite all of this she could clearly tell to whom belonged the house she found herself in front of; the Cavanaughs. Was she really that stupid and desperate to go there after everything that happened?

'Spence, are you crazy? You're totally gonna get grilled! Alive!' - Hanna yelled in terror, her pitch-high weeps interrupted by one stern scream: 'Suddenly feeling sorry for the Toby perv? Well, I definitely won't pity you!'

Spencer felt her spine stiffen, all the nerves in her body paralyzed by the feeling of fear and disbelief. She knew the owner of the voice all too well, but this couldn't be; that person belonged to the past. Yet there she was, more alive than she'd ever been, in all her infamous glory of golden wheat locks and magnetic, challenging eyes.

_Alison._

At the sound of that one name echoing in her head, everything started to make sense and is struck her like a lightning. She looked at the chubby Hanna, spotted a single pink hair on Aria's head, and finally looked down at herself - her white shirt hidden under a green, oversized sweater and tucked into a plain, denim skirt; knee-high socks on her long legs and brown hair styled in a ponytail. The last time she dressed this way was about two years ago. Although her heart already knew the answer, her mind still couldn't process it.

'Let's go. There's no use of us here. She's already chosen a side. Should've done it more wisely', ordered Ali and turned around, preparing to leave. The girls tried to stop her but after a few unanswered but Alis, they eventually obeyed and, giving Spencer an apologetic look, followed the fifth into the forest.

She was left alone now, in the very middle of the Jenna thing, more lost than she'd ever been. Everything felt so unreal but at the same time extraordinarily vivid. All the colors, the smallest details, even the smell of the bracing, summer air, were portrayed perfectly. If it was a dream, then her mind surely created a masterpiece. _But what if it's not?_

Not thinking much, Spencer rushed towards the barn, where she found a clueless Jenna. The girl was standing with her back turned on her, looking for something that had been previously stored in the room. She didn't notice Spencer at first, probably too lost in her own thoughts, or maybe she simply didn't care.

' Jenna? Jenna, get out! - yelled Spencer as loudly as if her whole life depended on it. The brunette turned around abruptly, with a questioning look on her face. 'What?'

'There's a bomb here... God Jenna, just run!', cried Spencer, her voice cracking and so damn devastated that she couldn't help but obey. As they were escaping the barn, Jenna looked behind her shoulder just to find Spencer standing in front of their door, her legs weak, trembling; her eyes glued to someone who'd just left the house - her blue-eyed brother, Toby Cavanaugh. 'Toby, run! There's a bomb in the barn!', she warned him, gesturing for him to join her.

He looked at his step-sister and then at the person next to him. Spencer Hastings was standing there, shaking, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks, looking at him the way no one had ever done before; her red-rimmed, big brown eyes full of fear, terror, sorrow, and something entirely different from these, something he couldn't name. 'T-toby...', she whispered, no, whimpered, loud enough for him to hear. This was all too weird, considering they'd never really spoken before.

After something that felt like forever but in reality was just a few seconds, Toby ran down the stairs and rushed to Spencer, putting his arms around her waist in order to steady and pull her with him, since she didn't want to move at all. Surprisingly, she backed away from his touch, as if he could crash her bones with his tiniest finger. She shook her head a little, closed her eyes and murmured: 'Everything's fine, I'm fine. I don't need help, just go, I'll follow you', to which he, slightly confused, replied with an, 'okay'.

Just as he was about to join Jenna, he noticed her lips forming in a perfectly rounded circle as they let out a single scream drowned out by the blast of an exploding bomb. He saw flames reflect in her bottle green eyes; he turned around, his vision blurry of the dizziness he was in; his widely opened eyes jumping from the blue sky, to the grey smoke, to the burning fire, and then to the unconscious Spencer Hastings lying on the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all your reviews! Reading them makes me very happy, I'm glad you guys enjoy the story so far! Also thank you for all your compliments on my English and writing style, it means a world to me since I want to become a translator in the future :) I'll reply to all your reviews tomorrow or maybe later today, my winter break is almost finished and I still have a lot of things to do :( Anyway. Here's the next chapter, this time a little bit longer :)

* * *

Spencer opened her eyes slowly. Her head was spinning and she had no idea where she was or how did she get there. Everything around her felt so strange, including the unnatural whiteness of the linen and the ugly, minty shade of green on the walls, which made her think of flu, injections and dental treatments. _Oh. A hospital room. _But why would she even be here, lying in the goddamn bed? Had she done something stupid yesterday and couldn't recall it now? Last thing she remembered, she was in her room, trying to get some sleep after probably the worst day of her life...

And then she noticed a pair of sky-blue eyes staring at her intensively; she could never forget these eyes, no matter how hard she tried. As their owner was leaning closer, she jumped in fear and almost fell out of bed.

'Wait!', he tried to calm her down, and then lowered his voice to whisper, adding: 'I'm not gonna hurt you.'

Spencer wasn't that sure of it. She continued to gaze at him, breathing heavily. Her palms were all sweaty and there was a lump in her throat that she couldn't swallow. But, she didn't fear him, she feared the effect he had on her. That, despite every lie he told her and all the harm he caused her, she still wanted nothing more than to taste his luscious lips and never let him go. Even if he did so a long time ago.

But, there was something different about him. His features were softer, his hair longer, his eyes more blue. His whole presence seemed to be more peaceful, as if life was nothing but simple. She looked at the calendar on the wall behind him; it said 2009. What the hell was it, 'Inception'? But the pain in her neck and the pulsing ache making her skull explode were way too real for it to be a dream. So, did she really go back in time?

An anticipation in Toby's eyes brought her back to reality. If it all was true, then she had no reason to treat him this way. He hadn't done anything to hurt her or her friends, at least not yet. He was innocent. He just wanted to check if she's okay. He was _caring_.

The man in front of her certainly wasn't the one who broke her heart.

'Uhm, sorry. I guess I'm still in shock', she apologized, the shadow of a smile playing on her lips. He returned it.

'It's okay. I understand. After everything that happened, you have every reason to be confused', he said simply, and somehow she knew it was sincere. 'Spencer, right?'

She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry, so she let out a silent, resigned chuckle, that sounded much more like a sigh. 'Yeah. And you're Toby.'

This wasn't a question, because she didn't need an answer. This was a statement.

Toby ran his fingers through sun-kissed hair. 'I... it's just that, we haven't really met before..', he swallowed, 'So I figured out it'd be polite to introduce myself first...' _geez_. She embarrassed him.

'Yeah', was all she replied.

He looked her in the eye, almost unable to hold back his laughter. 'Is "yeah" all you can say? Or maybe you're just not talkative much?'

'Yea-... I mean no! No, no, no!', she defended herself, but it was too late. He was already grinning. 'I didn't mean it! Oh, just please don't laugh at me...', she felt herself blush and wanted nothing more than to bury her face in her hospital blanket. Great. Now she embarrassed herself.

'Sure. I'm dead serious now', said he, trying to keep a poker face, but Spencer could still hear the laughter in his voice, which disappeared as he asked, 'Why?'

'Why what?', she asked back, a little confused.

'Why as in why did you help us?', he explained, waiting for answers.

To be honest, she didn't really know. It's not like she was thinking straight back then. She did what she did because that's what her intuition told her to. Because, even though she usually has a plan, that time she didn't have one. So, she said plainly: 'Well, I felt like it was a right thing to do.'

Toby didn't buy it, though. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and started questioning her again. 'But, it doesn't make sense. You were the one who put it there.'

Spencer spat out quickly. 'No, I didn't. Alison did.'

'Okay', he breathed, somehow he seemed... relieved?, 'But you didn't stop her.'

And for the first time, she was out of words. So she shook her head a little and, looking down, admitted: 'I didn't. I know I could and I should've. But I didn't. Ad I think I'll never forgive myself for this.'

She could swear that in this very moment the whole world froze, leaving no one but the two of them in it. Two different people breathing the same air, both trying to forgive and forget. Both linked by something they call destiny, fate, or maybe just the stubbornness of her barely beating heart. The atmosphere of intimacy that created between them seemed so fragile that Spencer didn't dare to even blink, as if the slightest movement could easily destroy it.

'I'm not mad at you', whispered Toby suddenly. 'After all, you did help us, right? So I'm not mad. Actually, I'm kind of thankful. But, I don't understand you. By helping us, you risked. A lot. And, you didn't even know Jenna', he stuttered, 'or me.'

She rolled her eyes theatrically, hoping he won't find it rude. But there was nothing she could do about it; this whole situation was so ironic, that she even found it funny. If only he knew...

Toby noticed that and, a little perplexed, started explaining himself once again. 'It's just that, you know, I don't know you either but you always seemed so dependent on Alison and your... little group. Trying to fit in. I've heard you Hastings always have a plan, and you seemed so... clueless? I don't get it; why would you put everything at stake just to help two strangers?'

Shocked, she was staring at him with her mouth slightly opened. She hated it. She hated how he, without knowing her, could tell much more about her (well, about her _then_), than she ever would. And, moreover, he was right about everything.

'I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure you out', he murmured.

'Me and Alison are no longer friends', she said, her voice emotionless, trying not to show what she really felt.

'Uhm. Okay', he replied, unsure, taken aback by her sudden change of attitude.

'Why are you even here?', asked Spencer out of the blue.

'Because', he began, trying to find a good excuse, 'I was here with Jenna. They had to check on us. She had a panic attack and had to go straight home, while I've realized I could stop by your room to ask you some questions.'

Even though it made perfect sense, Spencer felt a stab of sorrow in her heart. Somehow, deep inside, she still had a problem telling him from the guy she'd spent a year with. His face, despite its unusual, youthful softness, was still too painfully similar not only to the face hidden underneath the mask of a black hoodie, but also to the one she used to caress every night and later dream about. There were times when her tricky mind was playing games with her, blurring these two Tobys into one entity. And these moments hurt the most, because in the end the illusion would break, leaving them as nothing more than strangers which they indeed were.

'Okay. I get it', she nodded, 'By the way, where is my family?'

'They're waiting outside. Your mum and sister wanted to grab some coffee so I told them I could check on you so they don't have to worry if anything happened to you when they are away. Shall I ask them to come in?', he offered, 'I gotta go anyway.'

She didn't want him to leave. As masochistic as it was, she wanted him to stay. But she wasn't going to let him know. He won't understand anyway. Not today. 'Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you.'

He made his way to the door and just as he was about to open it, he turned around and looked at Spencer for the last time that day.

'Goodbye Spencer. It was nice meeting you', he smiled softly and with that, he was gone.

'Goodbye Toby', she whispered to herself.

Before the last syllable escaped her mouth, the door creaked open again, revealing two of her relatives - her always busy mother and annoying sister, Melissa. Much to Spencer's surprise, Melissa rushed to her bed and embraced her in a tight, sisterly hug. She, with an ounce of hesitation, hugged her back. It was a good change and she most certainly needed comfort right now.

After a few seconds Melissa let go of her and gently rubbed her shoulders. Yup, just a typical Hastings thing, never let your feelings get the best of you.

'Glad you're awake. How are you feeling?', she furrowed her eyebrows as a sign of concern.

'Not that bad', sighed Spencer, 'What exactly happened to me anyway? Why can't I just leave the hospital like everyone else?'

Melissa took a deep breath, interrupted by the voice of their mother. 'Honey I'm really happy to see you safe and sound and I wish I could stay for a longer but unfortunately I can't. My boss's just texted me and I have to go back to work, there's nothing I can do about it. Anyway, Melissa, please tell Spencer everything she wants to know and drive her home. See you at the dinner girls', apologized Mrs. Hastings, placing a loving kiss on her younger daughter's cheek and, after the last goodbye, left two sisters alone.

Spencer frowned. She knew her mother enough to tell that this little, affectionate gesture cost her a lot. 'Okay, can you explain me what the hell has just happened?', she asked her sister, who didn't seem to be confused by their mother's act at all.

'She's just stressed. Believe me, she's much more worried than she appears to be. We both are. After everything that happened, and what could've happened...', sighed Melissa.

'But what happened?', demanded Spencer, more and more impatient.

She took another breath and, reaching for her sister's hand, 'Spence, you didn't fully make your way out', she began and noticed the girl's eyes widen in return, making her need to silence her before she even had a chance to open her mouth. 'Shh, Spencer, just let me explain! You fell on the ground and hit your head so hard that you fainted. You were lucky, though. The doctors said that if you had hit it a little bit harder, it might've caused some damage to your occipital lobe, which might've ended in you...'

'Getting blind', Spencer interrupted, her voice barely audible. Suddenly her mind emptied, leaving nothing but the excruciating feeling of terror twisting her guts.

Seeing her sister in that devastated state, Melissa leaned closer and put her arms around her neck, hugging her once more and letting her lilac shirt soak with her sibling's tears. 'Shh, shh, it's okay, you're safe now', she soothed her, gently patting her back.

Spencer eventually broke the hug and, letting out the last sob, dried her eyes with the back of her fingers. She waited until her breathing became steady and started speaking again. 'Okay, so do you know anything more?'

The older Hastings bit her lip lightly, trying to focus. 'Yeah. Your friends were there and told us everything. They wanted to see you but you were sleeping and we all figured out you deserve to rest. Anyway, they stood up to Alison and came back for you, only to find you unconscious. Jenna's already called the emergency and Toby tried to resuscitate you.'

Spencer arched her eyebrows in disbelief. 'He did?'

'Uhm-hmm. He actually waited a long time with us for you to wake up. He's been lovely, really. We've all been worried that something more severe than a simple lack of consciousness happened to you, mostly when you began to rave...', Melissa closed her eyes and shook her head, 'I wasn't supposed to say it!', she whined.

The feeling of warmth that filled her heart when she realized the little white lie Toby told her about the whole 'stopping by' thing was suddenly replaced by fear once again.

'WHAT?', she screamed, utterly frightened. 'What was I talking about?'

Melissa lowered her gaze, brushing a strain of hair behind her ear. 'I'm not sure if I can tell you this right now', she mumbled.

'You're my sister, who else is gonna tell me?', she looked at her pleadingly. 'Please, Melissa. You have to tell me. I have the right to know.'

She raised her head and, swallowing loudly, whispered much more to herself, 'Mum's gonna be so pissed...'

'You can't lie to me, Melissa! Whatever it is, just tell me the truth. It'd come out eventually anyway', she hissed. After the never-ending 'A' torture she was just sick and tired of all the secrets she, her friends and her family kept.

Her sister threw her hands in the air, resigned. 'Okay, okay! You were talking about... someone. Someone who, I quote, was just another lie. You said he hurt you or something... but it doesn't matter now, as I said you just were delirious. And basically that's all.'

'Basically?', Spencer asked, trying to cross-question her.

'Well, dad was in the corridor when it happened, he got hold of Toby as he was about to drive Jenna home after she panicked. He wanted to know what happened so Toby explained everything to him, and when they were talking they heard your voice so they assumed you're awake... Dad entered the room followed by Toby and when you saw him you kind of... got hysterical. Started screaming and yanking, we couldn't calm you down so the doctor had to narcotize you...' finished Melissa, resting her chin on her fist, afraid how her sister will react.

Spencer's pupils dilated, staring numbly at something that only her mind could see. Her body was here, but her soul was away.

'Spence...?' her sibling murmured, concerned. 'Are you okay?'

She blinked twice and said, 'I think... Can you just leave me alone for a minute? I'll change and we can go home. I want out of here'

Melissa furrowed her eyebrows, trying to decide what to do. After a second of silence, she finally agreed to her sister's request. 'Okay. I'll get my things from the checkroom and talk to the doctor to discharge you from the hospital', she took her bag and made her way to the door. 'I'll be back in ten minutes'.

Spencer's mind was spinning from the surfeit of thoughts and the medicine she was on. There were so many unanswered questions bubbling up in her brain, trying to make their way to the surface, but she couldn't let them. Otherwise they'd assume she's crazy and lock her up in a mental hospital to watch the clouds roll by over and over again from a tiny, barred window in her empty, white painted room.

Exhausted, she almost finished dressing when she heard a single 'beep' coming out of her phone which she kept in her pocket. She scanned the messages in her inbox: five from her friends, one from Melissa and... one from herself.

She felt her heart beating its triple normal pace and her palms getting so sweaty that she was afraid her mobile phone could slip out of them. She'd gotten many anonymous messages before, but this was more disturbing than any stupid message A's ever sent to her. Slowly, her trembling hands pushed 'read'.

_'You have three months. Better enjoy yourself while you still can.'_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I know, I know, it took me ages to finish this chapter and... basically it doesn't even have Spoby in it :( But, I promise a lot of Spoby next chapter and basically every chapter after that, and I also promise to write them faster :)

* * *

Seven days. It'd been seven longest, most boring and tiring days of her life. Seven days since she'd lastly seen the sun. A whole week of her parents freaking out and calling her per 'honey'. Way too long of everybody treating her as if she was made out of glass.

Had they forgotten she was a Hastings? That she's strong and doesn't need anybody to pity her? God, she'd been through so much last year, much more than anyone her age would ever be. She got accused of committing a murder, chased down by a hooded enemy, she almost got killed even, and found out that the love of her life was a...

No. She couldn't afford to think about it now. Here, nothing of this'd ever happened. There was nothing to blame anyone, nothing to blame him for. Hell, even she wasn't the same Spencer she used to be just a few days ago. What she needed to do now was to give everybody a fresh start, him included.

But that couldn't stop her from bursting out in melodious laughter when Aria told her how her doctors assumed she might suffer from amnesia.

"Seriously?", she chocked out. "Amnesia?"

Out of all the things she could think of, this one was the most ridiculous. If there was any problem it was that she remembered too much.

Aria rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead as the other girls sighed heavily. "Spence, it's not funny! We were all worried about you."

She was examining them for a moment, and when she finally put her thoughts together, she shook her head lightly and smiled apologetically. "Right, sorry guys. It's just that... amnesia? Wow."

"Sounds crazy, I know. Glad you didn't have to go through this", said Emily, her voice warm and comforting.

Spencer only nodded. She was more than sure that she'd been through things much worse than a memory loss, but she knew there was no point in arguing with her friend right now. In a away she was happy of how oblivious and innocent Emily was.

"Anyway, where's Ali?", asked Spencer out of the blue, slightly narrowing her eyes.

"At her grandma's, in Georgia. Her family sent her there for three months, after we... uhm, confessed...", explained Aria, and Spencer could clearly tell an ounce of guilt echoing in her voice. At that, she only spat out and commented sarcastically: "Well. I'm hoping for a nice postcard."

The girls were all eyeing her now, their faces showing a whole variety of emotions, from outrage written across Emily's features, to a furtive, supportive smile playing on Hanna's lips.

"What now?", mocked Spencer, folding her arms in an act of self-defense.

"And you have the guts to ask?", Emily blurted out. "I get it, you're not feeling well, but would you please stop hating on her?"

"Why?", asked the brunette, bracing herself against the bed. "She was a shitty friend after all."

"Was? Past tense? Really, Spence?", Aria arched her eyebrows, still unable to process what she'd just heard.

Spencer rolled her eyes, coming to realization. Ugh, she didn't mean it.

"Come on, Aria. We'll come back when she stops being an idiot", commanded Emily, grabbing Aria's wrist.

"Touch_é_, Emily. Touch_é_.", murmured Spencer under her breath ironically, clearly unaffected by the swimmer's words.

Emily gave her another 'how could you' look from under her long, jet black eyelashes and turned to Hanna, who remained silent the whole conversation. "Han? You going?", she asked, impatient.

The blonde's eyes were jumping from Aria and Emily to Spencer as she was trying to make a decision. Biting her lip, she lowered her gaze to avoid meeting Emily's eyes and whispered softly, barely audibly: "I'll stay with Spencer. But I'll join you in a bit, okay?"

"Uhm... okay...", stuttered Emily, her voice revealing a doze of disbelief at Hanna's sudden resistance. Even Spencer was slightly taken aback, despite the fact that she knew Hanna better than the girl knew herself and was pretty much aware of what she was capable of.

The duo took their things and left the room with a "See you at school, Spence", which meant no other thing than "You have the whole weekend to think over what you've done and apologize on Monday."

Spencer tilted her head to face Hanna, who was standing casually by the door frame. "So, I guess it's leaving us both?", she smiled.

"Yup", said Hanna, nodding in agreement. "But, you know, Alison may not be the best friend, yet she's still a friend. You'll have to apologize to them."

Spencer sighed. "Look, I know and I'm sorry. It's just that... I've been so distracted lately. I didn't mean to hurt you, or her."

Hanna curved her lips in something similar to a smile and looked away, staring at something behind the window. After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Spencer was the one who decided to speak up.

"Hanna?", she called her name, catching the girl's attention. Her marine blue eyes met her friend's chocolate ones, looking at her expectantly.

And then Spencer said something she was sure to regret. "Wanna go shopping with me? On Saturday?"

Hanna's eyes widened at the sound of these rarely spoken words. She remembered how Spencer would always complain about the amount of time she spends in a fitting room, trying out a dozen of sequined cocktail dresses, all strapless. Of course she had never bought any, too insecure about the extra kilos she had and which Alison would always point out.

"You really must've hit your head hard", she answered, accenting each syllable.

Spencer rolled her eyes for something that felt like the hundredth time this afternoon. "Ah, come on. I need a piece of professional advice. By the way, have you seen my closet? I have nothing to wear!", she grumbled. And that was true. She'd spent forever looking for something decent to wear today until she finally found a long-lost camel cardigan buried beneath a thick layer of shapeless polo shirts and her academic blazers.

Hanna clapped her hands in enthusiasm. "I wonder why it took you so long to realize that, though."

"Now, now. Don't push too far or I'll change my mind", threatened Spencer playfully.

"No!", begged Hanna, furrowing her eyebrows. "I really need to see this Gucci bag again. I miss my baby."

"Relax, princess. I'm just kidding.", Spencer laughed at her friend's amusing reaction. "We're settled for Saturday, then? Two o'clock?"

Hanna sighed in relief, causing Spencer to grin once more. "Sure", she said. There was a lull at the conversation, which the blonde suddenly broke, swallowing hard before she spoke: "I gotta go. I'm meeting... someone"

Spencer's eyes lit up in excitement as she asked flirtatiously, "Is he cute?"

"Gosh, Spencer!", Hanna threw her hands in the air, "It's not a he", she whispered.

"Uhm", the taller girl rubbed her chin in curiosity, "Then who is she?"

"I-", began Hanna hesitantly, "I'll tell you if you promise not to tell, and not to laugh."

"Scout's honor!", promised Spencer, raising her hand to her heart.

Hanna still seemed doubtful but knew that there was no way back, since Spencer was not a quitter. She wouldn't let her just drop it that easily. So, taking a deep breath, she murmured: "Mona Vanderwaal."

Whichever she was expecting her reaction to be, she was nowhere near it. Spencer's eyes widened dangerously at the sound of the name, her face pale from terror, her palms sweaty. She was sitting stiff, her darting irises searching for something that would ensure her it was all a dream.

"What?! No!", she practically yelled, turning her gaze to Hanna and staring at her pleadingly.

Desperated, Hanna yelled back: "Not to tell, not to laugh and not to judge! I like her, okay? She's not like Alison thinks."

... and nothing like you think, added Spencer in her thoughts.

"Please?"

Spencer looked her in the eye, trying to form a proper answer. Mona was pure evil, Mona was vicious, ruthless, sullen, grim, cruel and so on. She could plot your death with a bright smile on her face. She was unpredictable and it wasn't safe to leave anyone alone with her. She was... but is she still?

Young Hastings' thoughts wandered back to the day spent in the hospital. She recalled the softness of Toby's features, the calmness of his mesmerizing, sky blue eyes, the warmth of his voice... And realized how hypocritical of her would that be if she didn't let Hanna give Mona a second - well, for her first - chance.

"Okay", she gave up eventually, and soon after the last syllable escaped her mouth, she felt the blonde pulling her in a friendly hug. Spencer, a little hesitantly, hugged her back, gently patting her shoulders. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!", chirped Hanna, bouncing up and down after she let go of her friend and started to make her way out, not wanting to be late for the meeting.

They exchanged the last goodbyes and just as Hanna was about to escape the door, Spencer called: "Hanna? Just be careful, okay?"

The girl eyed her suspiciously, and when she made sure that her friend was serious, she answered: "okay".

It was two days after her shopping trip with Hanna and her legs were still hurting, despite all the treatments she'd tried on them, from ice bath to sauna. Even though the whole thing was all Spencer's idea, it was Hanna who, being her shopaholic self, had to check literally every shop in the Rosewood Mall, making Spencer grit her teeth in annoyance and exhaust. She'd probably tried out even more clothes than Spencer, who came home accompanied by two full, large shopping bags and a wallet about 200$ lighter.

In a way, Spencer was really content of coming back to school. Not like she'd learn anything she didn't know already - she just felt like going there would make this situation a little more normal, even though time travelling itself was far from ordinary. Also, she didn't want to spoil her perfect frequency which, unfortunately, had already been tarnished by the week of she was forced to take.

Grabbing a cup of coffee to go, she caught a glimpse of her mirror reflection before escaping the door and smiled softly at it. Sheer, emerald green skirt, silk blouse and cardigan - now that was more like the Spencer she knew.

Having mistaken her schedule, she entered the classroom right after the teacher, hoping for her delay to be unnoticed. She took an empty seat next to Hanna, receiving a wide grin from her and welcoming smiles from both Aria and Emily, who seemed to had forgotten the argument they had back on Friday.

She dug out a dotted notebook from her leather bag and started making notes. The lesson itself was beyond boring and she wanted to laugh at the fact that she used to actually have problems with quadratic inequalities. She'd solved them all before time and was thoughtfully saved from boredom by Mr. Smiths, who gave her an extra task which she managed to finish in less than five minutes, leaving everyone impressed - her teacher included. She even took her time to explain one example to Hanna.

When the bell finally rang, she started packing her things and just as she was about to leave the classroom, she was stopped by her teacher.

"Spencer? Do you have a minute?", called Mr. Smiths, gesturing for her to come closer.

A little perplexed, she turned around and smiled politely. "Of course."

"Great. I must say, I'm really impressed with your Mathematics skills. Have you been taking any extra lessons this summer?"

Rubbing her chin, she tried to jog her memory. Had she? She was pretty sure she hadn't. If she remembered well, she spent the summer helping her dad in the office. But, under these circumstances, she was pretty sure that a little, white lie wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Uhm", she began, "Actually yes, at the university where my sister studies... There was this group and..."

The teacher nodded in understanding and said: "I've always known you're ambitious, just like Melissa. I see you have it in your bloodlines."

Spencer smiled yet again, flattered by the compliment. Knowing how rarely Mr. Smiths compliments his students, these few words meant a lot to her.

He cleared his throat, coming to the point of the conversation. "I was just wondering, would you like to tutor someone?"

She remained silent for a second, collecting her thoughts to make a decision. "But who'd I have to tutor?"

"Ah, there's this boy in eleventh grade that needs some help with the subject. I know it's a grade higher than you are but he still has to pass some units from tenth grade and since you're at an extended level, you shouldn't have problems with this. Of course you'd get some extra grades for that."

"Uhm, okay", answered Spencer, shrugging her shoulders.

The professor grinned. "Great, then. I'll tell you the details tomorrow."

As they were about to escape the classroom, Spencer asked the very last question that she had in the forefront of her mind the whole conversation. "May I know his name?"

Mr. Smiths turned around to face her and she could swear her heart skipped a beat when these two, painfully familiar words escaped his mouth;

_"Toby Cavanaugh."_

* * *

I know that she should teach him French but since my French is limited to "merci" and "je m'appelle Marta", I figured out that I'd need tutoring myself :) But, who doesn't like Maths? *smiles ironically*


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** You can't even imagine how proud of myself I am right now that I've managed to finish this in less than a month :D Anyway. I'll try to finally answer your reviews tomorrow or today's evening but I can't promise anything, I was procrastinating and now I have shitload of things to do :( But I'm really thankful for all of them and I'm happy you like the story so far!

* * *

With a certain doze of hesitation, Spencer knocked to the large, wooden door in front of her, feeling her heart beat at its triple rate. Her palms were getting more and more sweaty as she waited for him to invite her in. The shortest seconds felt like hours, and she couldn't stop the whirlwind of thoughts from spinning. In her mind he was still an unsolved mystery. These various, entirely different versions of him that she came to know over the last year left her only more confused, for she couldn't tell which one of them was true. She tried so hard to fill him under a category, to figure him out as if he was the hardest mathematical equation known to the mankind. But, every time she thought she was one step away from the answer, he always did the unexpected, leaving her with no clue yet again.

She was waiting with growing anticipation, tapping her foot to the rhythm as she was studying her deformed image reflected by the golden doorknob. One thing that scared her more than her own thoughts, was what he thought of her. The last time he saw her, she was being cold and distant towards him, and with her illogical actions and unintelligible words she was worried he might've come to the conclusion that she was simply nuts.

Overcome by fear, she was close to run away but, being a confident person she was, she only clenched her fists tighter and loudly swallowed, hearing the door creak open.

Much to her surprise, the person standing in front of her looked nothing like a teenage boy.

"Oh, hello Spencer", greeted Jenna, arching her eyebrows. She could tell that the girl was as confused as herself, and that odd similarity filled her with some sort of courage which she really needed right now.

"Hi, Jenna", she smiled, trying for it to appear as convincing as she could. "Is Toby home?"

Jenna ran her fingers through her hair, lightly pouting her full, crimson lips. "Yeah, he's upstairs, doing God-knows-what in his room. Shall I call him for you?"

"That'd be great. Thanks."

The girl smiled a toothless smile and was just about to head upstairs, when she suddenly turned around and, with her hands clung to the door frame, faced Spencer yet again.

"Wait, Spencer", she began, catching her attention. "I just wanted to say thank you. I never had a chance to, I tried to contact you right after everything had happened, but your parents wouldn't let me."

Spencer eyed her suspiciously. She could count the times when Jenna was actually nice to her: that was the first.

Noticing the girl's reaction, Jenna bit her lower lip and slightly tilted her head, her voice becoming a little lower and more silent, almost soothing.

"I know were never friends... neither are we now, and I don't get your motives at all, but it doesn't lessen anything. Actually, I can only imagine how much did it have to cost, to stand up to Alison the Queen Bee.", said Jenna, rolling her eyes ironically as the last words escaped her mouth. "I really admire that, you know? I never thought you'd be capable of doing so. But! I'll call Toby", she snapped her fingers and fled before Spencer had a chance to say anything.

Within few seconds, she spotted his silhouette across the hall. He seemed to have recognized her too, as his movements suddenly became slower, more cautious, a little hesitant even. Finally, h stood by the door, his darting eyes examining her from head to toe in pure confusion.

Her gaze was stuck to him too, devouring the sight. Toby wasn't your typical handsome guy, with olive skin, mischievous smile and an elaborately constructed hairdo, shiny with gel. No, that was nothing like Toby Cavanaugh. Yet there was something about him, and Spencer couldn't put her finger on whatever it was - maybe the depth of his sagacious, crystal blue yes or the way his body swung gracefully as he moved, or maybe even how his soft, pale pink lips curved in a coy smile when he got lost in his thoughts or talked about his interests, with such rare, catching passion that only a five-year-old would have. She could never tell, but one thing she knew for sure - the effect he had on her was all but paralyzing, leaving her breathless and craving for more.

She blinked, breaking out of the intense eye contact they had, and forcing herself to face the reality in which she, Spencer Hastings, a straight A's student and an overachiever, came over to the boy she was supposed to tutor, which was nowhere near to undressing her ex-boyfriend in her thoughts while gazing at him longingly.

"Hi", she said, fighting to keep her tone warm but neutral.

He also seemed to have broken from this strange state of temporary numbness as he slightly shook his head from left to right, collecting his thoughts.

"Uhm, hi", replied he, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tutor you.", she explained, taking a weighty student's book with some complicated graph on the cover out of her bag and waving it at Toby's face. "Mr. Smiths sent me."

A small grimace appeared on Toby's face as he saw a subject of his hatred in her hand. "Whoa. Maths. You've just brightened my day.", he commented sarcastically, scratching the back of his head. She couldn't help but grin at these words.

"Ha, that's what I hoped for! What is better than trigonometry on a sunny, Friday afternoon?", teased Spencer playfully, causing Toby to chuckle in return.

"Okay, then", he said, "Come in, my room is upstairs."

"Ah, I know. Jenna's already spilled the beans." Plus, I've been a visitor quite a lot, she added in her thoughts.

The spark in his eyes suddenly faded away and his whole body tensed at the sound of the name. He lowered his gaze for a second and Spencer immediately regretted what she'd said. Knowing everything that'd happened between these two, she shouldn't have mentioned Jenna. His wounds were too fresh and probably still bleeding.

"Sounds like her", muttered Toby. "Anyway, do you want something to drink? Tea, coffee maybe?", he offered, turning his gaze to the kitchen.

Spencer shook her head lightly and answered: "No, thanks. I've just had dinner".

"You sure?", he asked again, "Because I can-"

"God, Toby, seriously, no, I'm good.", she cut off, a wide smile on her face. "You don't have to turn into a housewife just for me. Anyways, if I really wasn't full, I would've fallen for coffee. Always. And I would've made sure you made it just the way I like it."

Toby chuckled yet again, and, running his fingers through his hair in embarrassment at how easygoing she was.

"Haha, okay... I'll remember that", he laughed.

Spencer winked at him and giggled softly. She could hardly believe he was really there, that she was in his house talking to him with such ease as if she could tell him all his secrets and he'd understand. As if their relationship was so simple, built on mutual trust and friendship, and the day of their anniversary had never happened.

Because it hadn't. Because where she was now, there was nothing to celebrate.

As soon as this drastically true thought popped up in her mind, her smile faded away and she felt the sudden urge to close her eyes for a second, just to escape this madness she was in. Those days, the darkness that overwhelmed her every time once she did this, felt more soothing and relaxing than ever. It felt as if her eyelids were separating her from the world like a curtain in a theatre, which goes down every time the play ends. And that was true; her mind was the only place where she didn't have to play pretend that everything was normal and she was fine, while she clearly wasn't, not at all.

Biting her lower lip, she opened her eyes widely just to see Toby's blue eyes gaze at her questioningly, with concern written all over his strong features.

"Are you okay...?", he asked.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yup. Sorry about that, just got lost in my thoughts. Anyway, what are we waiting for? Maths won't solve itself!"

Toby rolled his eyes. "Would be nice if it did", he joked.

"Then what would our teachers torture us with?", replied she, following him upstairs as the echo of their laughter filled the hall.

The room looked just as she remembered it. Soft, golden sunshine rays refracted by the window were carelessly falling into the room, illuminating the heather walls decorated with photos of landscapes printed in sepia and fancily framed. To the left stood a sofa covered in the checked blanket in which they would always wrap their bodies every time they were cold, and Spencer could still feel the mellowness of the fabric on her skin.

She took a step in and moved to his desk, tracing the contour of its wooden frame with the back of her thumb. She spotted an unfinished drawing and took it in her hands, her lips forming in a perfectly round circle as she noticed that the sketch looked like an exact replica of their favourite hangout spot outside the town - a single, lone hill with a magical view of Rosewood at night.

Toby noticed her amazement and flushed with abashment. "I was just... playing around with the pencil...", he muttered.

Spencer tilted her head to face him. "You're kidding, right? When I play around with the pencil I sketch some doodles on a page margin. And this", she said, pointing at the drawing which she was holding in her hand, "This is pure art."

Running his fingers through his ash brown hair, he sent a shy smile in her direction. It felt so weird to him to get complimented that he didn't know how to react. Most of his life he'd been an outsider, and he got used to being ignored. He'd never been in the centre of attention before, it's not like he cared anyway. And now someone was raving over his sketch, and that someone was a girl, a beautiful, intelligent and popular girl even. He had to admit, it felt good.

"Uhm... thanks.", he mumbled. God, how he wished he could form a funny, witty response like she always did, but social interactions were never his forte, and social interactions with people he barely knew were even worse, even thought he could say he felt pretty much at ease talking to her.

"I'm serious, Toby. You're really talented, and I know what I'm talking about. My parents' favourite place, well, second favourite place, next to their workplace, is probably the art gallery, so you could basically say I've been raised in the world of Dali and Monet. And I rarely see such beautiful drawings as yours.", she assured. She knew he used to draw but she could never imagine how good he was at it. He ditched it for no reason before they started dating, explaining it with a lack of inspiration and time, and when Spencer once asked him to show her his works, he said that he had them stored somewhere in the basement, and he doesn't even remember where. Emily was the only one who got the chance to take a look at them and told her how breathtaking they were, but she underestimated her opinion, remembering how Emily was in awe of her surrealist painting for the art class in 8th grade, which she got a B on. And a B was for bad.

He thanked her yet again and they sat on the memorable sofa, getting their notebooks and their brains ready for such a longed-for few hours in the land of trigonometric identities and function translations.

They spent the whole afternoon alternately laughing and swearing at some of the hardest examples, that even Spencer had a little problem in solving. After two hours of intense thinking she finally gave in to his repeatable insistences and let him make her coffee, of course having instructed him before on everything and crying a little about the lack of caramel syrup in his house. He, of course, had to tease about her sophisticated taste, lecturing on how better is a traditional latte from this crazy invention that she'd forced him to make, which she commented with a nudge and laughed at the top of her lungs when her favourite drink turned out to be too strong for him to swallow.

When the clock struck 10pm and she realized that she'd spent at Toby's way too much time than she intended to, she quickly packed her things and, complaining about how she'd totally get grounded tomorrow, rushed to the front door. They exchanged quick goodbyes and just as she was about to leave his place, he stopped her and said: "Why are you doing this?"

"Do what? I've already told you Mrs. Smiths asked me to tutor you", she replied, taken aback by this sudden question.

"Not this. Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, we barely know each other and you're friends with Alison DiLaurentis...", he explained in a low voice and she knew that this confession cost him a lot of courage.

"Is this a reason why I should be mean to you? Because I don't think so. I've decided that I don't want to be scared of what she may think of me. Not anymore."

"And where did it come from?"

"Well. As one wise man once told me, I believe we always have a choice. And so I've made mine.", she said, a half-smile on her face.

He was examining her for a moment, when lips curled up in that bright, warm smile of his that she adored so much. "Do I know him by any chance?"

"Maybe... Goodbye, Toby", she answered mysteriously and winked at him.

He watched as her shadow disappeared in the dark alley before he closed the door and came back to his room. He was more than sure that before their next meeting the copper-eyed beauty will visit him once again, as the image of her was the last thing that popped up in his mind before falling asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Gosh, I'm so happy I've finally finished this one, you have no idea. It took me forever and I'm sorry, school is not the best friend of mine and when it comes to writing, it's even worse :(

* * *

It spread like fever, igniting all the nerves in her body with pure passion and desire. The warmth of his hands gently massaging her waist and the sweet, intoxicating taste of his kisses had always been her weakness, but now she could literally feel herself melt under his touch, up to the point where her occupied brain was no longer in control of her movements. She was driven by lust and instinct like some kind of an animal, letting herself get lost in the moment to fully experience it. For a second there was no past and no future, the distant traffic was less than an echo and the rustling of leaves swinging slowly on the branches, barely a whisper. All that counted was the way their bodies waltzed gracefully in the silvery moonlight.

But suddenly even silence could be deafening, as their lips parted and she fell out of his loving embrace, straight to the cold arms of the harsh night air.

She opened her eyes with greatest reluctance, only to find him grinning.

"Ugh. I wasn't expecting _that_", she honed, folding her arms.

He let out a single chuckle and held her hand, softly brushing her knuckles as they interlaced fingers. "I've realized it'd be so much more fun if we made it a challenge. Hide and seek maybe?"

Spencer tilted her head to the side and slightly pouted her lips. "I don't know... We're out of town, and I bet by now it's already past midnight...", she sighed, and then dug out her phone out of the back pocket of her skinny, burgundy jeans, the pale light of the screen illuminating her face as she read the hour: "Half past one, actually."

"Hey, where did your competitive spirit go?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed soundlessly. "Don't play mind games with me, Cavanaugh. It's still there, only right now I'm much more focused on the beyond appealing body of my amazing boyfriend...", she cooed seductively, leaning in to kiss him again. He, on the other hand, only brushed his lips against her rosy cheek and grinned again as she moaned in discontent.

"And I think that my gorgeous girlfriend is simply being a coward. Admit it, Spence. You're just afraid I'll kick your ass again, like that night in the motel when we were playing Scrabble", he teased.

"Oh no, you didn't just say that!", she choked out, "It doesn't even count that much! I mean, what the heck is goofball? It's not a normal world! A colloquialism, actually. And that's so against the rules. But, I have this strong feeling that you've never even read them, haven't you?"

He winked and she didn't have to ask for any further explanation.

Noticing her hesitance, Toby wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "If you're really that good at this game, then what's there to lose?", he encouraged.

She furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her chin as if thinking. "The better question is, what is there to earn?", she asked, smirking at him.

He cupped her oval face in two fingers and crashed his lips against hers. She, although slightly taken aback, quickly adjusted to this unexpected explosion of desire by opening her mouth to let his tongue in. He moved his left hand to her neck, his slim fingers tracing patterns on her alabastrine skin. In return, she submerged her own hand in his ash brown hair, ruffling it. The kiss was even more steamy than the last one and Spencer wanted nothing more than for it to last, when Toby brutally broke it again.

"Is this prize okay?", he breathed, still stroking her neck.

"Uhmm..", she moaned, dazed. "I think... I think that's enough for a guaranteed prize, but the winner should get more than that."

"Hmm. Okay. What exactly?"

She smiled a victorious smile and lifted her chin up. "If I win", she said, pointing at herself, "We're staying at your place every night of the upcoming weekend. Staying up all nights of the weekend, making some memories on your incredibly comfortable sofa. And watching all of the movies based on Nicholas Sparks' books. Notebook twice."

He laughed at her excitement, but at the same time really hoped he wouldn't have to go through the marathon again. Of course the movies were romantic and sweet, probably perfect for the evening spent together, if he was a girl. This was the thing, they were typical chick flicks. He, on the other hand, would rather watch an action-packed movie, like "Kill Bill" for example. At least that was what his testosterone and some unspoken rules of the men's world demanded.

"Well, okay", he agreed eventually, though a little unwillingly. "But if I win, which I will, you'll give me all of my shirts back."

She opened her mouth to protest, "Hey! I thought you said you didn't want them back!"

"I didn't want that one back, but you took it as an invitation to literally steal half of my closet!"

"But... But these are my most comfy ones!", she defended.

Toby's eyes widened and his lips curved in a grin again. "Yours? Spencer, if you keep it up, you'll leave me, like, shirtless!"

Spencer arched her eyebrows as a smirk appeared on her face. "Hmm. Actually, for that I think I'd deserve an award. I mean, more of Tobias Cavanaugh shirtless, exposing his perfectly shaped muscles? The whole universe would be thankful!"

"Ha, ha. You know it's reserved only for you", he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.

She slowly bit her lower lip and looked deeply in his eyes, a sea of love and affection reflecting in her copper orbs as her palms found their way under his grey t-shirt, basking in the pleasant warmth of his flesh. "May I get some use of that right now?", she murmured raspily.

"Maybe...", he whispered, "But first... you're counting."

"Ugh, and I thought that boys were the hormonal ones! Oh, come on...", pleaded she, rubbing his arms.

He gently grabbed her by her wrists, freeing himself from the hug. "Count!", he reminded jokingly and kissed her cheek for the last time before his silhouette blended into the darkness of the forest.

She folded her arms and sighed heavily as she turned on her heel and closed her eyes, counting in her thoughts. It's not like she loved the idea but well, it was Toby, and it was really hard to say no when he was being so adorable wanting something. Also, the prize seemed really tempting, and she was more than sure that she'd get it. If Melissa couldn't win over her in hide and seek when they were younger, then who else would?

As soon as the tiny voice in her head whispered 'nineteen', she, although a little hesitantly, decided to open her eyes. If Toby had played dirty before, then why couldn't she?

It took a few seconds before the shapeless, dark mass in front of her started forming into first tree trunks and branches. Trying to get the better look at her surroundings, she gently rubbed her eyelids and blinked three times. The trees were of exact same height as before, and she could still feel the pleasing coolness of the stone under her fingers, yet she could tell that something was different, even though she couldn't put her finger on whatever it was. There was something hovering in the air, some insensible mixture of unfamiliarity and upcoming danger cutting through brisk, calming aromas of pine and moist soil. It caused a shiver to run down her spine, shaking her cold bones. Chattering her teeth, she folded her arms, rubbing them vigorously and hoping that the friction will help her body maintain its temperature.

Cautiously, she took the first steps, slowly heading in the direction of the forest. She could feel the increasing panic raise her blood pressure as the beating of her humming bird heart was echoing in her ear drums, a gloomy symphony of her shameful fear. _This was nonsense_, she kept assuring herself repeatedly, hoping to believe it the hundredth time she does. What would she be afraid of, anyway? She had never had any problems with darkness before, in fact it was her who had exorcised the monsters from underneath Melissa's bed when they were younger, which she remembered clearly because of how proud had her parents been of her, and even her dad had called her his 'fearless little girl', choosing her over her elder sister for once at least. So why would she be chickening out just now, when she was older with good few years of experience in telling her imagination from reality and two minutes away from winning a prize of a movie marathon interrupted only by occasional kissing and cuddling (which, by the way, didn't fit the typical definition of 'interrupting' at all)?

Suddenly, she heard a stick crack upon someone's weight and jumped in terror unintentionally. Closing her eyes, she lifted her fingers to her temple, trying yet again to calm herself down. 'T-toby? Is it you?', she stammered shakily. No sooner than the words had escaped her mouth, she felt the presence of someone's hand placed on her arm. "... Gotcha", she heard the stranger jeer from behind, the tone of his husky voice strangely dark and apathetic. Having turned around, she met a pair of so painfully familiar glaring eyes, frigid and crystal as two icebergs, drifting solo through endless waters of ocean as cold and unforgiving as his feeble soul. She could swear that even his magnetic blue orbs faded into the night as his slender, gloved fingers looped themselves around her throat.

And then she opened her eyes widely as she woke up to the sound of her own shrieking.

* * *

_Tap, tap, tap._ Her fingertips were tapping against wooden table as little drumsticks in some hectic rhythm. Although, not as fast as the pace of various thoughts running through her brain. At first she wanted to drop it all, just call him and feed him with some made up lie on how she's so sorry but can't tutor him anymore (the more she thought about it, the more sure she was that she'd rather texted than called). But then she recalled the last evening they spent together and how nice it was just to be around him, just to sit next to him and feel his soothing presence, even if he couldn't feel the way she did. He was the poison and the antidote, he made her reach her extremes of both euphoria and misery, taking her body and soul to some new, different dimension that had no logical explanation, and maybe that's why it scared her that much. When she was with him, she just was - she could finally let herself be, let herself float. The way he made her feel was like flying in the open skies, but what if his love weren't there to serve as a parachute?

She saw him enter the door and clung her hands to the table in order not to run away. But, even if she wanted to, where would she go? Her life was like some sort of a cruel joke right now. And, as far as she was concerned, there was no simple way out of the alternate universe. Or whatever it was.

"Hey", he greeted casually as he took a seat next to her, a soft, welcoming smile on his lips.

"Uhm, hi.", she mumbled back, taking the student's book out of her bag. Toby gave her his homework to check, and she was proud but also a little surprised that most of the exercises were solved correctly. It's not like she doubted him, she just remembered their tutoring sessions on French, and she always thought that people find languages easier to learn than Math, but it looked like she was wrong. Having explained to him how to find set of values of trigonometric functions, she watched him do exercises, and then decided to finally speak up, breaking the uncomfortable silence that formed between them.

"Sorry for dragging you all the way down here... My caffeine level was super low.", she said, pointing at the large, finished cup of coffee in front of her. This wasn't the only reason, though; she figured out it'd be easier for her to keep her straight face while they were in public and away from the places that held some sentimental meaning.

He chuckled. "Oh, I see. Actually, I would probably offer it myself, sooner or later. It's just that, I don't really like spending time at home. At least, not right now."

Spencer nodded. She knew exactly what he meant, or _who_ he meant. "Ah, I know what you mean. Believe me, I do."

He looked somehow curious and unconvinced, which made her carry on her little monologue with a sigh. "I know what you think, oh the Hastings, what problems might they possibly have, such a happy, loving family they are! But, it's never like this. Since I remember, my parents have been always choosing my elder sister over me, only strengthening this bond of rivalry that created between us. If you're a Hastings, you have to do everything the Hastings way, the perfect and only one right way. All the others are just inappropriate. And shameful. Seriously, my family is so screwed up, Dr. Phil wouldn't even take us on."

"Same goes with Jenna... She's always in the centre of attention. She gets what she wants, no matter what she has to do to achieve it. Yet my parents treat her like she's some kind of a saint."

She smiled sympathetically at him, fighting the urge to reach to his hand and hold it. "I think that's just the thing with evil sisters, you know? The best advice I can give you is to ignore her as much as you can. You might live under one roof, but you're not one person. Her actions are her actions, just don't let them affect you."

"Sometimes it's just not that easy...", sighed he.

"I know. Hope may breed eternal misery, but it doesn't change the fact that it's nice, hoping. Even I let myself sometimes."

She met his gaze, his cornflower orbs locked on hers, the electricity between them sure enough to supply the whole town of Rosewood, or at least the cafe they were in. The experience was so damn paralyzing that she couldn't bring herself to look away, as if she was in a state of hypnosis. She was looking deeply into his eyes, trying to bare his soul and penetrate through it to find something that she might feed her doubts on, but there was nothing here. They were as smooth as a mill pond, pellucid and reflective, innocent and kind.

"Thank you", he whispered softly.

She shook her head lightly, trying to put her thoughts together and break out of his spell. "No need to. You're a math genius in disguise. You don't know it yet, but I can see it. Just few extra lessons and you'll outsmart Mr. Smith. Or maybe even me... someday.", she joked, like she always did when she was nervous. It was a blessing, really; well, almost always a blessing, excluding the one time when she was a child and started laughing on her grandpa's funeral when people were proffering to her.

"No, not for that. I mean, that too... but, it was nice to finally tell somebody about it, to see that someone truly cares when you've already got used to people pushing you away."

"Yeah... it was nice to be just Spencer too, not the perfect Hastings, without being judged about it."

Within a second she felt his hand on hers, his velvet touch so comforting and longed-for on her delicate skin, like first drop of rain pecking the dry, cracked soil after the drought. She wanted nothing more than to give in to this touch, to feel it on her chin as he cups her face, on her cheek as he caresses it with affection, on her lips as he kisses them before falling asleep, like the sweetest lullaby. She wanted to feel him all over her, with every nerve of her body, in every cell of her system, to breathe him in and out, in and out. And in that moment maybe he would breathe her too.

"I... I gotta go", she murmured and stormed out of the cafe before he could stop her.


End file.
